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Messy Rooms - Part 3 Ante Up! © Andrea Simanson, 2004 Okay, so if you've read my first two articles regarding messy rooms, you're probably wondering "What next?"  because chances are you haven't tamed the monster yet.  I know we haven't, but we are making progress. Here's the latest on how we are handling the "messy room" kid.  This particular kid is eleven years old and wants to get her ears pierced.  So, we created a checklist for inspecting her room on a daily basis.  This simply means that dad or mom inspect the room at bedtime and it receives a "P" or "F" for pass or fail.  If there is a pattern of mostly "passes" after eight weeks, she will get her ears pierced.  If there are more "fails," then guess what, we try for another eight weeks until things change and she has ownership of her own room.  What that really means is if she wants to get her ears pierced, she'll keep her room clean every day.  "What if it doesn't work?" you ask.  Maybe the reward just isn't worth it to her.  Sometimes this is the case.  "So what do you do then?"  That's where an important concept called an "ante" comes into play.  An ante is something you commit to give up if you don't reach the goal.  You have to put something in to get something out.  It's not just about winning the reward if you succeed and if you don't succeed "Oh well."  It's about losing something if you don't succeed.  There' a price for everything. If it doesn't cost a child something, it's not worth anything either.  We're talking about good old-fashioned values.  An example of an "ante" in this situation would be to remove a regular privilege if the standard isn't met.  For example, if on Saturdays your child gets to have a friend over for a few hours, this privilege would stop until improvement is seen in the area you are working on.  Your child agrees on this prior to having the behavior observed.  This way he goes into it with a clear understanding of what's expected.  Parents note:  this takes time and thought, evaluating and re-evaluating.  Parenting can be hard work at times, but your children are worth it.  Give the celebrate/ante concept a try.  Better yet, try our [chore game] for some specific celebrate and ante suggestions. Now, remember, for our daughter, we broke it down into three simple things to be done each day:  1. Put away clothes. 2. Put away toys/things. 3. Put garbage in the garbage can. The first one on the list has been the most important of the three.  She's learning that just a few minutes each day is all it takes to put her clothes away and not let them pile up. Remember the old saying "What gets inspected gets done."  If we apply that to daily chores, we help our children learn responsibility.  It's not easy.  It takes training and hard work to be involved.  Give some of these concepts a try and you'll see that your child can and will grow in responsibility! Andrea Simanson is a wife and mother of three children, and the website and ezine editor of  Successful Family Chores - Putting FUN and ENERGY into everyday tasks. For a regular dose of family organizational ideas, sign up for Successful Family Chores free bi-monthly newsletter by clicking here.

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