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Elder Care
Copyright © 2007
Beezie Davis
All Rights Reserved
Wow. My brothers and sister and I have entered a new phase of
life! The stage: taking care of Mom, our amazing mom, who has
lived through many life circumstances, including two marriages, living
through the Depression and World War II, and facing many challenges.
She is now older and in need of help. As I stumble through this process
I want to make sure that I treat my mom with respect and honor.
Children,
obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right
thing to do. Honor you father and mother.This is the first commandment
(of the Ten Commandments) that ends with
a promise. And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother,
things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the
earth. Eph. 6:1-3 New Living
Translation
Honoring our parents, to me, means
reflecting on and appreciating their good qualities and strengths, the
things that make them special and unique. I don’t want to treat them
like an item on my "To-do list." My family and I have so many
questions regarding how to sensitively handle this transition in life.
There are several agencies that would “love” to have our mom come and
live with them. Which is the “right one”? Where will she feel at
home, safe and protected? Which one will work best with our
family? How long can we let her stay in her own home? How
will we decide when it is time to move her? What will be the deciding
factor? What if she doesn't ever agree that she should move? When
we do move her, what are the special pieces of furniture that we will
need to move with her? Will her sister be able to move with her? It
would sure be nice if we could move them together. There are many
support groups for people who have family with Alzheimers, or dementia
problems. Which one is the right one for us? Or should we just
take the time and spend it with Mom and help her remember her wonderful
life?
Last summer, I took Mom up to her favorite mountain and we spent the
day driving around it. She told me stories that I’ve never heard
before. I also take her out to one of her favorite gardens whenever I
can. Helping our parent to enjoy a special activity is one way to honor
him or her? Even if they can’t participate in that activity
anymore, they will likely appreciate a listening ear to some of their
stories. The time spent listening can help them “feel” very loved.
My sister and I have appreciated each other’s giftings and
strengths. My sister is the one who talks to Mom about finances
and wills and all of that important stuff. I'm sure it brings peace to
Mom to have someone help her take care of these things. I, on the other
hand, like to take Mom on trips and to gardens and mountains. My sister
and I have both come to the realization that it is good that we are a
team. I felt a little guilty because my sister had to do the “hard
work” and I just “played” with mom. But my sister was so relieved
because she knew that it was important to take mom to enjoy those
simple things, and yet she couldn’t do it. We each do what we are good
at and mom feels loved by both of us as we are both meeting different
needs. We use a Personal
Care Chart to communicate important daily things we take care of
for mom.
When my dad was close to the end of his life and he was uncomfortable,
he couldn’t tell us what was wrong. The simple act of rubbing lotion on
his hands and feet really seemed to comfort him. Sometimes we can
do so much by simply holding their hands or listening. Those little
things minister to their souls, and give them dignity and respect. I
think the key to helping them make this important transition in life is
loving them and wanting the best for them and spending time with them.
We can give back so much to our parents in these years!
Beezie
Davis is a wife and mother of four children. She is an early childhood expert. Her mother founded and ran
the famous Sunny Beam Nursery School on Mercer Island, Washington.
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